I have thought and thought about the self-imposed importance of my very first post. What can I possibly say about the start of this new journey? Originally, this was intended to be something my kids could look back on. I’ve written before, but after a fairly serious brain surgery left me with a few deficits, I didn’t know if I would be able to do it again. The fact is some day I hope to reach people, touch them even. I mean, this is kinda big right? Probably not, but to me it is.
So….. Should I begin seriously? Explaining how monumentally my life changed when I finally realized I was going to remain very sick? Or speak on how I let that same illness, and the doctors, surgeries, hospitals and daily life stress defeat and ultimately define me for years? Honestly the best answer is probably somewhere along the lines of… I should just be me, at times sarcastic but usually laughing despite ALL of it. I can finally do that now, and that is and was always truly me.
Pre-illness, I could find laughter in any situation. And I was always going. I was also always the one getting people together to do things. Always the one who volunteered for every parental school thing that came up. The team mom for any and most of my kids various sporting activities. I was IN IT! Until I wasn’t. The illness started slowly and even in times of extreme fear, it would comfort me to send entire surgical teams into gales of laughter, right before they were ready to knock me out. Weirdly in my darkest days, I also found comfort in my norm of updating people inquiring about my health by saying something close to “everything is fine” or ” I’m getting better each day”. Then <insert sarcastic/cheesy joke > and BIG SMILE. But still….comfort.